Sometimes you feel like you are in a fog. You don’t really know where to go and you can’t really see. You just don’t have any visibility. You are just worn out. I am worn out. We worked all weekend and I’m really tired. I’m behind on work and I feel stuck. And then this morning I’m driving through the fog and I’m thinking about my weekend. I’m thinking about the conversations I had with people on Friday. I’m thinking about the work that needs to get done. I’m thinking about my family and how I’d rather be home with them. There are some times in your life that you just don’t know what to do. Sometimes you can see the future and sometimes you can’t. Sometimes you are in a fog with no clear direction to take. What do you do whenever you are in that situation? Here is what I do…I say to myself, “You have 3 choices. You can live with it. You can leave it. You can change it.” I believe in changing it. I believe my entire life has been, “If I don’t like it, I’m going to change it!” My personality profile is Change Agent. I guess it is just who I am. BUT… there is a time that you just have to live with it. Right now, I’m in a “live with it” period of time because I can’t change it and I can’t leave it. I’m a little overwhelmed and I just need another month to let the fog clear so I can see things a little more clearly. Then I can get on the other side of it. So I want to talk about what those three options look like.
Shane’s mom, who is a counselor, once told me that you never feel as desperate as when you feel like you have no choices. You ALWAYS have choices. At a minimum, you always have these three choices: You can live with it, you can leave it, or you can change it. Making one of these choices can sometimes get you past whatever you are struggling with.
Live with it
You can live with it. You can establish timelines for how long you are going to live with it. You can live with it for 6 weeks. You can say that you are going to live with it for two weeks. Or you can even decide that you are going to live with it for the rest of your life. Making the decision to live with it IS a decision.
Leave it
The second option is that you can leave it. Usually you think about this in terms of leaving a job. Now I am happily married and I am never going to leave my spouse, but you can leave a situation. You can leave a poor working situation. You can leave a friendship. You CAN leave. And that is a decision. There are some things that you don’t want to leave, but leaving it is a choice.
Change it
I think change takes the most energy and the most thought. You have got to be ready to commit to the work and the sacrifice that it is going to require to change something. There are always sacrifices in any three of these options. You have to be willing to talk about what you are willing to give up in order to change it. Another major part of change is that you need help. Sometimes in living with it you don’t need help, you may need help in leaving it, but you do need help in changing it. You need to think about who is going to help you change it: is it God, is it family, is it friends, is it your kids, is it co-workers? Somebody needs to be supporting your change. I think that is why I like changing things more, because I get to work with a team and I get to be with people who want to do the same thing. It is not as much fun to be on a team that is willing to live with it. It is not fun to be on a team that wants to leave it. It is really fun to be on a team that is willing to change it.
So today I’m going to live with it. In 6 weeks when the fog has cleared, I’m going to change it. I’ve made a decision and I feel better that I’ve made a decision. You always have a choice. You may not like your choices, but you always have a choice.